what have you found in your research?
don’t go / please follow
luck and loneliness are very compatible
it was purely a sensation act
presenting the work unedited
for no concrete reason
controlled longing elaborated in
paragraphs, scenes, stories, characters
after the bliss,
realization
not a part of anything, no
never be alone forever again
unlike any feeling i could recall
our neutral dna
and some pheromone thing
rational thinking
associated with pessimism
conventional wisdom,
basically, yes
but don’t light a candle for me
recommended focus on experience
violating discussed qualities
the word “real”
tv white noise outline
indirectly satisfying sensations
hashtag “research”
some kind of influence
one version
fucking around unlikelihood
failing to interest a publisher
one of the many sequels to ‘hellraiser’
teaching english
however we delineate it
resisting rational chronicle
‘bad’ becomes ‘impossible’
kiss me on my spore prints
glass jarred in diffffff erent contexts
a landscape out of print
what ecstasy means
no plans to meet in hydra
no plans to meet in jerusalem
no atkins diet
no lip injections
probably describing ‘consulting’
[laughter]
something happening and repeating
found incredibly irritating
the crystals i’ve been collecting
paradise: a modest proposal
within our own agenda
the guilt of wanting to read
lying in the park
in the sun
discussing themes of polygamy
seeking solutions for viable work
what are you looking so pensive for?
28th cigarette of the day
the ready to wear collection
or however you spell it
shallow answers provided
that impossible to discuss
can you translate this?
for fuck’s sakes
revived greek ideas
and the roman
since the problem got worse
traveling feels unprepared
nonsense to our civilization
effffff orts to be decent people
easy to read
anecdotal version
ordinary vicissitudes
the words are categorical
“she fucked me with her fififi ngers”
cinematic, if one can imagine
almost full-time work
lucid and focused addicts
nonphysical activity
before sleep
legal mood-enhancers with disappointing results
i’ll ask the question again
that secret mosque
with it’s secret qu’ran
written in obvious blood
can you imagine the amount of hormones
on that particular work?
opposed “too explosive”
suggested working 9-5
looking at the concrete
not at celebrities
not at advertisements
frustrated with my 2011 macbook pro
refurbished twice over
and it’s charger’s specifififi c surface working
adjusting to death
before veering offffff to become
something else
strenuously thinking about one’s
“whole life”
absorbing inaccurate information
aware of the reality of tolerance
worried about the situation
although it would benefififi t me
as an artist
a concept we will name “recovery”
a paradox, maybe
a certain mental effffff ort
resolved with a sense of urgency
interrupting my continuous experience
resisting language
“meaning?”
a synonym for “bad”
predatory behaviors
repulsed, but silent, because, how, except, i mean
“i’ll be there soon, i just have to do this thing.”
sit in stasis, waiting
hyper focused note taking
conceal these contents
eating healthier
sleeping better
exercising more
deviant intellectual working
understanding the pleasures of home
required belief
the surface of this volume
breaking the thread of return
a disco nap and withdrawing personal support
it seems more than fair
the prayer position
serious scent investigation
for as long as you can
restless energy becomes anxiety
landing or arriving somewhere
i cover my face ashamed at my neediness
staring full concentration
in reference to the unknown
are you going to kill me?
hold my hand
please, honey
quiet voice
going to make this public eventually
sometimes blurry during
sorry, so nosy
beginning legibly and ending in scribbles
a good ironic reversal
my lower back hurts again
will turmeric be helpful
detail observed later
in photographs
praising the fififi eldwork
yet preferred to “stay home”
or close to home, rather
always feeling some sort of sick
lazy, distracted
change my diet from “pizza” and “not eating”
breathing through my nose
sustaining that tension
journalistic attention to detail
continued recording
part of the plan
desirable and stinging
happy and alert
yet somehow still thirsty
stereotypical “never happens”
back in serotonin overdraft
it’s become too project like
liquidation prices
listening to plants
schedule iv drugs
macbook air craigslist ad
how to organize the kitchen
did i lose my passport
it must be in a drawer somewhere
jacket pocket probably
come pick up paintings
saturday sunday monday
mkultra
institutionalized design
a safe house
5-meo-dat
suicide headaches
engaging in sensible conversation
public account of abuse in the past
against abuses in the future
suspicious opinion structure
which the blade is idealized
the pagans which pray to females
sacrosanct
suppress and
nearly forgotten
slow intoxication warmth
walking fourteen miles
studying the gods
until i feel productive
a reasonably functioning member of society
stubborn as all fuck when it comes to this
always there on the tip of my tongue
the paperwork vanishes
the sexwork stays
fractal geometry
inherited programming
twenty-fififi ve
twenty-six
twenty-seven
eager to discuss experience
or is it the limitations i’m after
busy isolation
cosmopolitan status
seeking the beauty of nature
weaning offffff civilization
tired of this timeless epic
anxiety, despair, tedium
referenced as “staggering”
unconscious reasoning
talking quietly
so far away i forgot it exists
beyond
immediate short term career goals
a brick-by-brick linear extrapolation
gathering noise
keys open doors
is this urgent,
something that needs an immediate response?
that bicycle that needs fififi xing and how much i hate jazz
mixing kombucha and beer
means “not drinking”
the future
a myopic passage of time process
what is to come beyond the persecutory
“zahir” meaning “visible”
long weekend bank holiday
moon in cancer
the language of love and betrayal
nobody can stay in the garden of eden
at least not without an ulterior motive
two adulteries and a suicide
a matador’s veronica
leonine
resembling a lion
leonard
reading lorca
alfa romeo
afflfflffl uent parent
peach
grapefruit
green tea
whatever you want is what i want too
what a seducer
merging seamlessly
fennel fresh tongue
“oh, how she must have missed me”
lol
a smile of award winning indiffffff erent apology
thinking summer swimming
future perfect tense
making the pleasure last
democratic defififi nition of happiness
isolated moments of intimacy
faintly existing in the present
anticipation and desire and vivid awareness
am i referencing witchcraft?
every day ritual logic
traditional formats of study
ambivalent discourse of
how our concept of the future changes
repeated observation of life again and again
fififi rst person plural
possessive adjective
“we,” “our”
an audience encountered
separate from original destiny tension
“meaning,” “freedom”
everyday ordinary
such is the modern novel
today, we may call that “unstable”
at this point, it is common for opinions to diverge
as though the protest exists solely on the internet
abolishment of distance
non-place notion
triumphant body
liquid personality
unending chorus
libra rising
inclusive measures
encyclopedia
“work”
a considerable amount of attention
remember how we felt it necessary
not sneezing
heroic dose
romancing the apocalypse
keep working through
chrysanthemum kisses
the definition of “too much”
that is my interest
it might not make sense
but in a way it’s all connected
after all, i am not looking for an algorithm
expressing love with no distraction
past dehydration point
sex stable and in control
however, i associate this compound
with a sense of an ending
spreading dna on you
nightly
forgetting that i exist
a new evolutionary direction
i walk away smiling
and
everything
turned
out
fine.
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