poor shape

longing left days ago in a deliberate shake of my

hair to the side

obsessive dry dreams of some day smiles regress

back into dangerous. nothing ever repeated exactly,

stuck damp to similar traits and coarse language

river of ‘fuck you’ to hopefully drown in one day.

(my italics)

‘for sale’ sign stamped, leasing valuable property

to the recently referenced staple of alternative

acknowledgment. spent two hours getting ready for

the important art show, spent more time looking in

camera lenses with a pout (arm raised high) than at

the work in question. i suppose the desire to be a

missed connection in the morning could be your

conceptual art piece or something.

actor a) walks into a room and states

“you must make art to be an artist”

spits in your vodka redbull and leaves

*applause*

my great saving idea has flflfl aked offffffff now spread in

my sheets, computer chair and work shirts.

shufflfflffl ing dust for that one great phrase, perfect

wording, that one needed RIGHT NOW, sounds like

‘sunshine, unnecessary! dark skies all the more

fififi ne! stay indoors and read about smiling, do not

be afraid of sleep no more!!’

THE! JOKE! IS! ON! YOU!

ABSOLUTELY NEW MORNING

zooming out as far as possible as you write secrets

on open-source software on your entry level laptop

as not to reread anything and suddenly, as though

all of these people you’re writing about are

shoulder-hung and embarassed

all looking at you “why?”

for the sake of our salvation go longer true

authors of concrete error importance council

solemnly affiffiffi rms unshakable preventing great

practical importance or speculative fashionable

fate.

dissolve our names to publicly perched eyebrows led

to intimacy, now you, new, and i, fififi nd something

suitable your own, or another’s, but unsaid A’s

place-marker until recent, claim full ownership.

abandoned and stick to it, a part of my self,

earlier self, i would admit, kitten, slightly more,

stepping or tread lightly, lengthy, messy, or now

shoulders up, would you like me to be (just long

sleeved?) or had i not bothered after reflflfl ected

jump whiles, privy to our nightly correspondence

disproving counts of negligence.

gentle service clear conscious resist the face

never convinced of contradictory threat: plague and

position so half-truth in cell-worth pronouncing

words unaccented

and defififi ne mislead once again,

sir?

late, who is more intentional material than fififi rst

good and fififi rst word, acting too much myself, giving

itself away, possible shame sets in...

now.

i am hushing secrets>% again, ~!i’m sorry^. i just

felt, *nothing, fuck++/$ i did it again,| didn’t i?

snowing already, my rear bike tire heeds traction

and skids me left and right around the market

corner with a loud ‘a-ha-HHa!’, proud. total

control of this situation / lost already on a

sidestreet. i lock my bike near a familiar face and

i taste sea-salt on my fififi ngers. houses here are far

too damaged for the sake of appearance of the lower

class while higher paid nobody’s are the only

occupants. the familiar face offffff ers a downstairs

greeting of ‘bike, dangerous, hurt, no? good.

cold.’ laughs ring, h-h h-h. up these stairs, leave

your shoe- well, since they’re already offffff - fifififi ne,

bring them upstairs if you must. (sink

overflflfl owing curdled red wine reduction, flflflfl oor

scraped bark.) familiar face now shares space with

sweet white-girl traders and herbal medicine

hockers, a statement greeted with my ‘i am an

asshole’ face. i name a kitten (there are six here)

rembrant (recent book read-cat named rembrant-pretty

kitten name) and hold him up to a window and

tell him of outside world fears. i kissed remmy

between the ears and put my jacket back on. this

could be compared to attending a masquerade ball

with a limited invite list of all your friends all

and everybody is wearing typical ‘that person’

clothes. you know? nothing not known, just a bit

obscured. familiarly putting earrings on, perched

bed corner right.

twelve second tape loop laugh track life style.

oh, i shrug.

how can we fall in love when our small attempts

amount to no more than a drunk driving metaphor?

adept at all eyes new masterful totally touching

excuse me, i can see you rarely think but how

pleased to say ‘sociopath tendencies, not me or

mine, but twisting and turning spoken wording isn’t

working’ i splatter anxiety mindless white wall

and sheets make me cringe, i rough up a seam.

ability to echo dirt page and observe medical

journal reverse, what’s the new emulation? new

friend and new torn jeans, carton providing cover,

i wish it were more affffff ordable and should have told

you too long ago how crowded you are, dripping

through, awful continuous empty space.

who was it you swore to be true to?

against will even do i even bother?

(confififi rmed!) secondary barely acquainted and

SNARLING at the mention, greet all serial social

darlings with the sort of whimsy love that a

green grass date or new serious smile can be

associated with. patiently overworking charts to

convince myself otherwise/ funny things, you know,

the pride wars of our time. the greater

non-representational poem does good of all fall asleep

second to keep this a secret only for me.

true worries strain quotes

‘and ah will be ah lone ah gain tonite mah dear’

and one line jokes to win you over: a long fififi nal

tremble stemming from a forgetful shared exhale.

i just said, ha ha, i mean, haha, i just said

yesterda- haha, yesterday! that i could hhh never

date a nonsmoker!! heeeefunnythat i metyouL*O#:>?

is it a common i do have time, just not for you and

but why? trying too hard or as hell would to not

often thought about it meaning too vague now,

vaguer then likely. it is a funnier thing that i

can hold out in front of my reflflfl ecting face or

tripling curses i am not following you outside for

nothing great the degree of words used in place of

saying ‘sad’ or just ‘okay’ instead.

our quickly usually pure agony and run offffff really

start to live some new or tense sudden taking place

and the bottom is so secret and maybe not that

great.

i said for once fififi rst done to need to just leave or

do what i think is right right now, arm around you

when i think you look like i like blue skies too.

make the most or is it your face? drink long week

and eat spring green mix one married if not me

right hopefully wasn’t a good answer by myself i

left it sensible and if we fell asleep it would

be completely okay.

-----------/“you’d fififi t in with us a bit better in a

----------/leather jacket. i’m not saying anything.

--------/i mean, you have enough mesh to ring out a

----------/great presentation, but you need to look

------------/a bit more like you smoke cigarettes.”

maybe we too in common as fififi rst private meeting

without compulsive exclude anxious know your name

and what your THING is. if i be struck dumb without

written in full request prior knowledge, he daily

net secrets smirking down face will hint at teeth

stopping short of saying a name out loud.

“i’m sorry.”

what repulsive words. a violent act of verbal

injustice to revoke a true statement or motion.

unsure how this is coming about, really, but you

are snuggled into my bed. “cool.” very cute all

subtle, shy ways: low self-esteem (me) paired with halfstepped

around arm and leg grazes, back rubs fought

in restraint and lost knees knock and stray not

far, in kissed back and laughs bark; spend most of

leaving morning in my underwear.

a moment bliss (old t-shirt, knife knocked kitchen

counter [will it land foot-straightened today?])

victim to charm, the fucked-up one in a week, where

everybody seems so pleased as if cured, sent in

salt. the more interesting facts get rolled in

sleeves in holding agreement to not be where you

think you’d fi nd me fifi for at least a few weeks.

there was this girl, far very similar, squalid love

affffff air, unable to sleep beside- would rather have a

moment to keep stored very secret away. no sleep

days. long stretch body language straightened

sudden sleep flflfl inch, hands flflflfl ee from warm space

between. alarm clock stop 3x morning breath clings

to teeth and tongue dry, visibly lingers in narrow

division understood in constant held close.

pleasure principle A opens arms to the every new

day, waking up with new blue eyes; B lies back down

with eye-rolling the all too common “free will is

beautiful, alarm clocks choke back buzz and dares

you to leave, but why would you want to?”

nevertheless, little sleep terrors.

i am saying to myself i will take a shower after

this, ten year gap you, steam nose rolling and you

didn’t even notice. out from cold crowded poetry

reading dark hair and i fucking, fucking, had to

smile your way. glance brief catch mistake look

away, sure though typical wooing moves. convinced

this worked through kenzy walk shoulder bumps

‘bound to no one’ and attention friendly.

open door held smile, no, thank you expected, shy

typical regaling she was confusing such luck for

none, pressure veer right into parked car, feel

better.

to become a stranger you, already proved correct a

slighter shame trickles down and gurgles in your

stomach, wave cold captive in bluish sudden kept.

the hard-to-hate man sits on a red and black offiffiffi ce

chair in a post-structurally designed corner in his

artist-style-loft-studio-space. he reads a novel

extremely quickly to have something to talk about

in the coming day, clings to phrases and words and

shrugs away the bigger picture. making something

relatable is hard enough, so force it if you need

to or write a sullen story about sore-hearts and

telling your friends “fuck you” because you don’t

want to see them again until spring.

strands herself alone to history, my rarely entire

life by imitable eyes, in-defififi nition and

inexplicable nostalgia, heart of maths and two

closed doors that suddenly open a crack, no-struck

dazzled, no-body secret is safe forever, resisting

arrest on a cloudy winter day.